Saturday, January 22, 2011
Crashed down.
After everything I did for you, after everything I did for our relationship, after this few months, I don't even get a thank you or anything positive. What did I get? I get to know that you think I'm a lousy boyfriend. You are the first one ever to think this way. EVERYONE ELSE thinks AND knows that I love you very very much. I love you and care for you with my whole being, I tolerate all the shit thrown at me, I do all the damn things I can to hold up this relationship. Everything I did I did my very best. I've been such a damn great boyfriend. Right? WRONG. You don't think so. I don't even meet your expectations. I think too highly of myself huh? Really honestly, why don't you take a look at yourself before passing off such remarks. On what capacity do you say such things about me? If you DO do all those things I listed above, then sure, fine, I accept any criticism from you. But honestly, do you? To me, no you don't. To be honest, I totally disagree with whatever you said, maybe that's why I'm feeling like this now. Shouldn't be the other way round? Whatever, I didn't write this post with the intention of finding fault with you.
Some quote from somewhere: You won't know how much you hurt me until you know how much I care. You really don't know how much you hurt me after yesterday. I didn't really want to tell you all this because I'm sure it would cause an adverse mood change. Yes of course, a new beginning... So? Can I just use that to run away from whatever happened and to run away from how I'm really feeling? Guessed it worked, for a while. Now everything just crashed down on me. Put everything negative behind us yeah, but I'm sorry, I always like to look back in life. I can't hide from my true feelings anymore. It's not just about last night, it's about this whole span in time. All the happenings in our relationship, everything that happened. Honestly like I said, I haven't really been feeling good all this while. I seldom am happy by myself, I am only happy whenever you're happy, or rather when I make you happy. Whatever you said about me last night really hurt, I'm floored now. I did my very best in this relationship and yet I don't meet your expectations. What else more can and should I do? I need time to get back up on my feet, I've lost all confidence and I hope you'll help me. Hope you won't say such things anymore, hope you won't think like such anymore, hope you won't hurt me like this again. I am a damn bloody good boyfriend to you, hope you do realise that. A new beginning it is now, let's work together hand in hand for a better relationship. I love you, Baby.
the CITYSCAPE; 1/22/2011 04:16:00 PM
